Youth Mentoring Conversations on Addiction

As youth mentors, we often find ourselves in situations where our mentees face challenges beyond our professional expertise. Recently, I encountered such a situation with a 21-year-old mentee struggling with an addiction, accompanied by overwhelming guilt and shame that had led to suicidal thoughts.

The Initial Response

Upon first disclosure two weeks ago, I immediately referred them to two counselling agencies—the appropriate professional response, right? Unfortunately, neither agency followed up with my mentee. They were told they were too old for a CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) referral, which left them without the specialised support they urgently needed.

At this point, they hadn't told their caregivers about their struggles. During our previous session, I reminded them of our "personal network tool" to explore who their "Go-To's" (most trusted adults) were in their life. We discussed whether they felt comfortable sharing their current challenges with these support figures.

By our second session, we had a significant breakthrough—they had begun private counselling funded by their caregivers and had already attended two sessions.

Seeking Guidance from My Network

After the initial disclosure, I sought consultation from my trusted network to have a confidential and frank conversation about how I, as a woman, could support this mentee. I recognised my blind spots in this particular lived experience—to be honest, I felt lost in how to approach this barrier to my mentee's progression.

I wanted to understand if and how the tools I already possessed on "change," "habits," or "organising thinking" could be employed in my mentoring conversation. After what was an absolute 'back to skool' lesson in navigating the unknown, I left our two-hour consultation equipped and prepared to face my next mentoring session without worry.

When Professional Help Feels Uncomfortable

During our most recent meeting, my mentee expressed discomfort with counselling. They found that discussing their life brought up additional worries they weren't prepared to face. Most concerning, they hadn't disclosed their addiction to the counsellor and were uncertain about continuing therapy.

I faced a dilemma: Should I leave it to his therapist at their next session the following week? Or knowing they were worried about struggling with dark thoughts filled with guilt and shame later that evening, do I provide some immediate support while maintaining appropriate boundaries?

Finding Relevance in the Everyday

Thinking quickly on my feet, I considered what might resonate with my mentee's daily experience. Knowing they had recently taken on more domestic responsibilities, I looked for something tangible they would encounter regularly—something they could easily visualise and understand as 'true' from their own experience.

A Breakthrough Moment with a Mop

The household chore of mopping provided the perfect analogy:

• The dirty floor represented the addiction (using their term "dirt")
• The mop and bucket were tools to change behaviours
• The water symbolised their mind
• The process of wringing the mop head represented the therapy sessions they were attending and the therapeutic process they may be undergoing—gathering the "dirt" and then cleansing through therapy.

I emphasised the repeated wringing of the mop head and exchanging dirty water for clean water, illustrating how this process eventually cleans both the mop head and bucket.

Throughout this conversation, I repeatedly clarified that I wasn't a counsellor, only a youth mentor, sharing reputable resources, including the NHS webpage on addiction, and specialised sites like www.NotTheNorm.com.au and www.DefendYoungMinds.com (please note that I could not find a reputable site in England that shared 'strategies' for dealing with porn addition, if you know of any please leave the details and weblink in our enquiry form).

Creating Space for Self-Discovery

The final portion of our 45-minute session allowed my mentee to explore the Mop analogy themselves, making it their own. It is them that connected "replacing dirty water with clean water" to substituting problematic content with healthier activities and entertainment based on their own values.

This visualisation provided them with a clear picture of their recovery journey. That they would emerge on the other side with a "clean mop head and clean water." The mentee left feeling noticeably more hopeful, less self-critical, calmer, and with reduced anxiety. Most importantly, they gained clarity about the healing process and experienced diminished guilt and shame.

Best Practices for Youth Mentors

1. Know your boundaries: Always refer to appropriate professional services and clearly communicate that you are not a counsellor.
2. Follow up on referrals: Check whether mentees connected with recommended services and help them navigate alternatives if needed.
3. Use relevant, everyday analogies: Draw from experiences familiar to your mentee—daily activities they can easily visualise and connect with.
4. Consult your own support network: Recognise your blind spots and seek guidance from trusted colleagues, especially when facing unfamiliar territory.
5. Be responsive and agile: Think on your feet to adapt your approach based on the mentee's immediate needs while maintaining professional boundaries.
6. Utilise existing tools creatively: Consider how your established mentoring frameworks can be applied to new challenges.
7. Create safe spaces for exploration: Allow mentees to interpret analogies themselves rather than imposing meanings.
8. Provide reliable resources: Share credible, age-appropriate information from reputable sources.
9. Respect their journey: Recognise that healing is a process that includes discomfort and setbacks.
10. Focus on hope: Help mentees visualise a positive future beyond their current struggles.

Through thoughtful, boundaried conversations that connect to everyday experiences, we can support mentees through difficult times while empowering them to seek appropriate professional help for their journey toward healing.

Sharing best practices

If you are a therapist, youth mentor or practitioner and would like to share your approaches in how mentors support young people in removing addictions as a barrier to their progression, please fill out the enquiry form and we will share you approaches with our network in a follow-on blog.